The wedding hubbub is over, the holidays are approaching, and you're looking forward to spending them with your new spouse. Then you realize that the outside world - namely, family and friends - has its own ideas about how you should spend Christmas. Even you and your spouse may have different expectations once it sinks in that creating new traditions often means leaving behind some old ones.
K. Jason Krafsky, writing on the website Full Marriage Experience, has this advice for new couples: "When you get married, take control of the holidays or you will feel like the Grinch stole your Christmas!" And he's right – your first Christmas comes down to talking through your own expectations and managing everyone else's.
Creating New Family Christmas Traditions
What kind of Christmas do you want? Not just this year, but the next? And the Christmases after that, when you have kids? Consider these questions:
- Are you happy to bounce from house to house all day so that you can see everyone? Or would you rather spread it out over a couple of days - maybe Christmas Eve with one family and Christmas Day with another?
- If you have family out of town, do you want to travel for Christmas? What about when you have kids? A lot of families want their children to wake up in their own beds Christmas morning, so they delay their travel plans a day or two.
- Would you rather skip it all and go somewhere fun?
Once you know what you want, here are some suggestions for making it happen.
- Tell your families. Tell them early, and tell them in a matter-of-fact manner that suggests the matter is decided.
- Try to make plans to include everyone, even if you don't do it on Christmas Day. For instance, if you decide to travel for Christmas, invite local family members to your home before you leave. It doesn't have to be an elaborate dinner; a dessert-and-coffee bar would work just fine. Your families just want to be part of your first Christmas.
- Realize that you're setting expectations for the future. Don't run yourself ragged rushing from house to house if you don't intend to do it every Christmas. Or make it clear that you're willing to do it just until you have kids.
- Consider having an open house on Christmas Day. You stay home, and your families come to you, dropping in when they can. Have a buffet of treats that you can swap out or replenish throughout the day.
Making Memories
Once those decisions are out of the way, focus on how you want to make your first Christmas memorable. Here are some ideas:
- Needlepoint personalized Christmas stockings. It's not hard, and you can do it while you watch TV at night instead of playing games on your tablet. What's more, you can do one for each child that arrives, giving them a keepsake they'll take with them to their own homes someday.
- Start a tradition of keepsake ornaments, adding a special one each year. This is the perfect year to add one from a website like OrnamentShop.com, personalized with your name, your wedding date, "our first Christmas," or anything else that will make it special for the two of you. As years go by, choose personalized ornaments that commemorate anniversaries or "baby's first Christmas".
- Once you have kids, Christmas tends to revolve around them. Decide now how to keep part of it just for you. For instance, some couples open their gifts to each other on Christmas Eve after the kids go to bed. Or start your own tradition of a late-night tree decorating session in your pajamas, with champagne and your favorite Christmas music.
You only get one first Christmas as a married couple. Plan ahead and manage expectations - your own and everyone else's - to make it one you can talk about on your 50th anniversary.
Susan Thomson enjoys DIY projects. She especially loves writing about meaningful inspirations for life events.
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